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how you can build your self-esteem

gerard Nynkeu

Posted on December 23 2020

Here's how you can build your self-esteem

 

Here's how you can build your self-esteem

I don't know about you, but there are times when I feel like I'm not in my own skin and especially thinking I am not doing a good job, or I should have done more or sometimes when difficulties come up, I'm not up to the task of dealing with them.

Fortunately these moments don't happen regularly. They happen from time to time, and in those times I feel like I'm useless, like I'm doing a pitiful job and I just end up blaming myself.

It's clear that we all go through ups and downs. It's completely natural and understandable. However, these negative moments must not be allowed to downgrade our self-esteem and this is reason why I'm going to give you a few tips on how to feel better deep down inside.

So what is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence?

Very often people confuse the two. Yet there is a big difference very much between these two notions. Self-esteem is the value you place on yourself: "What am I worth? No matter what you do, where you are, who you are with. This inner esteem is like a mark on your body that you carry everywhere. 

It changes very little with time or our actions, but it is possible to change it in another way and we will see how in this article.

Is self-confidence related to our skills?

What we master or not. Self-confidence is always linked to an area that we master well in particular. For example, if you have a very high level in Physics, you can be confident in your abilities as a physicist. For example, you may be shy and therefore not very confident in the area of social relations.

So we can be confident in one area and not in another. To become more confident, we need to work harder on our skills and then observe the results of our efforts, either because others point it out to us or when we see that our abilities are increasing.

In short, self-esteem is independent of external factors and is purely an intrinsic value (i.e. it depends on you and you alone).

 Whereas self-confidence is linked to our extrinsic value, i.e. your competence in the different areas of life,

What is self-esteem in reality?

Self-esteem is nothing more than an internal state that takes its basis in self-understanding, self-love and self-acceptance.

As we can see, self-esteem does not change over time. This is because it depends only on us and is measurable only by us and us alone, no matter what others may think of us .

Thus, it does not change easily or quickly, no matter what external obstacles it may be. However, if exagerate importance is given to our mistakes or difficulties, this self-esteem can deteriorate because we then believe we are imperfect.

Having high self-esteem just means that you accept what is best for you and for you alone. That you feel deep inside yourself, that you have a right to happiness, health, wealth, success and love, no matter what obstacles you are going through at this moment, no matter what bitterness you have experienced or what others think.

You accept who you are, with all that goes with it, your faults, shortcomings and weaknesses. Get to know yourself as an individual and recognise your true worth.

Building self-esteem is not at all different from someone who wants to build a house and is not thinking about making a foundation. A foundation which is normally the start of everything in the construction of a house. Isn't it pathetic? That's why these tips will help you to build up your self-esteem and have total control over yourself.

Nr. 1: Knowing yourself to work miracles

When doubt dominates us, here is what it looks like

I can't do it, it's stronger than me, I can't help it, I feel incapable, people don't want me to succeed, even the good Lord has abandoned me, even with my big degrees and qualifications will I make it?, do I deserve it?, is it really possible?

How many situations have you experienced in which, despite your skills, you were unable to achieve your goal? Whereas, others with less skills than you succeed in the same cases... Despitethe fact that  they are  less qualified, success seems to be their everyday companion.

 What happens in these cases? If it's not their skills, diplomas and other qualifications that make the difference, then where do they get their resources to work miracles and succeed so easily?

The miracle solution they use is simple. They realised early on that the most important thing was to get to know each other better before anything else. They learned that the most important thing in life to make them touch the moon was to know themselves first and to put themselves in the forefront of everything. And above all to ignore the opinions of others about themselves.

Indeed, they first call upon their own personal abilities before calling upon the skills they have learned.

Imagine for a moment that everything you have as assets suddenly disappears. I am talking about your possessions, career, money, relationships, family, accomplishments, and everything physical and tangible.

Ask yourself these questions:

How would I feel if I suddenly lost everything and only myself was left?

What would I still have left for myself that would be valuable?

I don't want anyone to be unhappy with you here! This is just a scenario to make you understand how important it is to know yourself.

If you have high self-esteem, then no matter what is taken away from you, it will not change your perception of yourself. Furthermore, it will not damage your self-confidence because you do not measure your worth by external events. Conversely, your value comes only from within.

Another question:

What valuable things would I have left with if everything I had were taken away from me?

As you dwell qdeeper into the question, you will discover within yourself what is truly valuable. And everything you discover will be essential to building your self-esteem.

Here are some more questions that will help you get the most out of yourself:

What really excites me, gives me satisfaction and gives me joy?

What are the most beautiful moments of my life?

How do others talk about me?

How do others see me?

What is my place in society?

Who am I really? Who am I not?

In what area do I have the most difficulty?

In what area do I need to improve the most?

What fears prevent me from moving forward in my life?

What emotions am I struggling with?

What mistakes am I used to making?

In what area do I tend to give up easily?

What talents/skills do I have today?

What am I really good at?

Your strengths certainly help you to build your self-confidence, they help you to continue to move forward with confidence. However, don't forget that your true strengths must only to be assessed in relation to yourself.

If you expect others to tell you whether or not you are good at something, that is not a real strength. And letting others make decisions for you won't help you at all.

In the future, those people who have flattered you may change their minds, so all of a sudden your skills will disappear overnight if you rely on them to assess your talents. The real strength comes from you alone, from your personal power, what you really believe about yourself.

Nr.2: Accepting yourself

You have a fairly accurate picture of your level of self-esteem now. You also understand how you project yourself into the world around you.

If you look at your personal history you will find that you surely have some good memories, some neutral ones and also some not so good and sad ones at the same time. However, to strengthen your self-esteem, it must be real and authentic. Your self-image should not be a fantasy or an idealization of yourself. You need to accept your true nature, and this includes all your facets, the good and the bad.

It is true that you have faults, you have made mistakes and you fail from time to time. But you have done everything you could in this situation, and all these experiences have made you who you are.

Take the time to ask yourself this question and write down everything that comes into your head:

What am I blaming myself for today?

Now, forgive yourself for everything you have done in the past and accept yourself as you are, without any judgment.

Just accept your good and bad sides. Completely accept every part of yourself, whether it's your faults, fears, bad behaviour, and anything else you're not proud of. That's who you are, and you're at peace with that."

You have lifted the veil between what you thought you were and what you are: you have strengths and weaknesses. Accept yourself as you are and don't let anyone or society think they can dictate anything to you anymore. Only in this way youcanqq finally free yourself completely and finally take control of everything.

Nr. 3: Learn to love yourself.

You have accepted yourself, now recognise your true value. For this, it is worth loving yourself. That means treating yourself with kindness, tolerance, generosity and compassion.

You have faults, limitations and weaknesses, just like everyone else (you are not alone). Appreciate who you are and don't allow anyone to decide for you. You also have the right to happiness like everyone else.

Loving yourself is not innate, so you must get into the habit of talking to yourself in a positive and pleasant way:

I feel appreciated and special...

I love myself completely and fully......

I am a worthy and capable person.....

Being positive when you talk about yourself will help you to rediscover yourself and bring out the best in you. We all had a mother and father who were always ready to protect us everywhere and in all areas of life. And for those who are not so lucky to have a mother, I advise you to create one.

During our childhood, no matter how difficult life was, our mothers were there to give us the love we needed.

Even if society rejects children because it finds that children do not function according societal rules; mothers always give a shoulder to their children whatever the circumstances. This is an example for you to take into account in order to learn to love yourself better.

Nr. 4: Being responsible for yourself

The most important thing here is to trust yourself and, above all, to have confidence in yourself and your abilities. Do not let the judgements of others bring you down and show the world and society that the most important thing for you is nothing else but yourself.

You are in a jungle and remember in your heart of hearts that the only person who can survive in this jungle is you and you alone and not the other way round. So it is important that you always give the best of yourself by always staying positive inside.

Don't have limits in your dreams or your desire to improve yourself. What others have been able to achieve, you too can achieve. Because nothing is impossible, if not impossible.

When you meet people who are themselves very negative, who tell you about their misfortune, cut off all contact with them directly.

Why should you do this?

Their long-term negative stories may affect you and then lead you to doubt yourself. And because there is doubt, you will start to hate yourself and believe that you are just good for nothing. If you want to aim for the moon, then you need to surround yourself with positive peopleand not the other way round.

To sum it up:

When events and people no longer have  hold on you, you definitely take back control of your life. You are in control of everything that happens in your life. In short, you hold the keys to your life. Everything that happens to you in life is your sole responsibility. However avoid, I repeat, avoid blaming the world when nothing works. You alone are responsible.

If you liked this article, then feel free to share it with those around you.

 

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